8mm~~No Way Back~~
LOVE this song…..
I absolutely love this song, but it has a tendency to make me feel a little sad. I just passed the 1 year mark of being single. My last relationship was for almost 6yrs. It ended badly. I wasn’t expecting it to end. We had issues, but who doesn’t. When I’m in a relationship; I give it my all. I don’t give up when things get tough. I’m a loyal, dependable, faithful(unfortunately she wasn’t), honest, loving, hard~working, determined woman. I will never lie. Never cheat. And I’ll always be honest about anything & everything. I’m a catch, dammit & proud of it. But I’ve been told that I’m somewhat intimidating. I don’t understand that at all lol , but I guess that’s the scoop. I’m an open book & I wear my heart on my sleeve. All someone has to do is ask me anything & I’ll answer it. I LOVE it when people have the balls to do & say what they want instead of wishing for it or wanting to do something but just never do. There’s nothing more attractive than confidence. And there’s nothing more unappealing than vanity unless of course you’re a vain liar~~that would be a double whammy of ugliness.
So, back to the song…..& why it makes me a little sad. Since the break~up I’ve had many weak moments where I blame myself & miss her. She used to send texts, e~mails & even called like we’re buddy~buddy, so it was VERY easy to get pulled in to that comfort zone, which really should be called the ‘danger zone’~~comfort can be so deceiving. She was wrong to have ever led me to believe that I had any shred of hope, but that didn’t stop her…..There were many times where I thought I still had a chance. I was a pathetic mess. It’s funny to me now.
I claim to be a strong woman, which I am, but my weaknesses have been surfacing a lot more often this year. I kind of lost who I was when I was with her. 6 years is a very long time with someone. I didn’t completely lose me…..I just chose to put a ton of my wants or needs on the back burner in order to devote more attention to hers & I got lost in her ideas & her wants & her needs, which is good in a way, because I did discover things about myself that I probably wouldn’t have otherwise. I now know that I love to camp….LOVE the outdoors….LOVE taking pictures….I like to fish but they don’t like me ;o) But I lost that creative part of me that loves to write, paint, draw, design things….etc I’m so happy to get reintroduced to myself. I can barely sleep anymore. It feels like there’s not enough time in a day to relearn all that makes me ‘me’.
I’m finally starting to not miss her anymore. I miss my dogs though. That will never go away. But I don’t miss her. It took a year, but I feel better now. I can sleep in bed without crying because her side is empty….now I sprawl out & enjoy the extra room(that my dog takes up eventually). I eat all of the leftovers instead of having to save half lol~~I don’t have to share holidays, which I didn’t mind doing, but it’s a bonus for the time being…..I get to use the WHOLE closet :o)….I can sit wherever I want to at the movie theatre….I quit smoking. Losing her turned out to be the best thing that has ever happened to me. I feel more in tune with my wants & needs. I’m confused about a few things in my life that I consider very personal, but I’m sure I’ll write about that eventually too. I’m warming up to this whole blogging thing. It feels good to get this out….whatever ‘this’ is lol